What does love mean?
I suppose it's a pretty big question.
My 21 year old self would’ve defined romantic love more as rock n roll and a good time. My current 31 year old self (who's most def grown softer with time) has a slightly different view... Weird how we change, hardly without even noticing.
I originally wrote the thoughts below in my journal on Valentine's Day, while I was flying back from Poland to The Netherlands after a week trip away with my partner, so maybe I was feeling extra romantic at the time. Or maybe I'm just super mature and wise now... :)
Also, side note, I don't know about you, but I like to get deep on planes. I like to look out the window and pretend I'm the main character in the movie, with a good soundtrack in my headphones, pen in my hands, getting in my feels, exploring my thoughts.
Well, whatever, this is what I wrote:
If you would have asked me what (romantic) love is when I was 21 years old, I would have looked around, blinking confusedly, searching for images of film scenes and vague memories of fleeting moments which might have resembled something people could call love.
I would have said it's probably a strong feeling, of devour, the urge to consume someone and to be consumed.
A feeling of urgency, even thirst.
That love is combining substances (most likely illegal ones) with making out at a festival (you can tell I come from the Skins generation).
That the most romantic act would be jumping on a plane to visit someone (a dj?) you met only once briefly drunk when you were leaving the club at 6am.
I would have described it more as infatuation, possession, pleasure.
That it must be fun-based and carefree at all times.
A sense of danger, risk, adrenaline.
Now, I can see that all of that was kind of shallow, young, naïve (innocent? Or just no zero survival skills?) of me.
Now, at the ripe-ish age of 31 years old, if you asked me what romantic love is (which absolutely nobody has done but here I am writing away), I would debate that it's actually about caring about someone so deeply you don't even mind their ugly trainers.
I think it's about accepting your partner's individuality, appreciating it, feeling inspired by it.
It's a feeling of happiness when good things happen to them.
And wanting to share their challanges too.
Real, good love is probably more about giving tenderness, and also receiving it - I've found that's actually pretty important, and at times it can be hard to do.
Love is also making long term plans.
As well as making tacos for dinner because you know they really like them, even though you're tired.
Love is giving them space.
Allowing them to express themselves however they like to.
It's letting them grow, and putting your own judgement aside.
Romantic love is deep, but it's also a light friendship, laughter, silly jokes.
I think overall it's about being free. To be encouraged to be yourself.
It's feeling warmth, and that it's no longer just you alone versus the world.
It's feeling that together everything is better.
It's building a nest, a home, a future together.
Love is quite sweet really.